September 30, 2014

For everything there is a season, and presumably that goes for everyone as well. But this is not the season for me, no no no it’s not. Fall is just pre-winter, which exists to transition me into a condition I abhor, and will need much mental and physical fortitude to trudge through for nine months. I’ve always felt disappointed at the first sigh of fall, but never more than the last few years living in Portland. You can go address it romantically, and swish through fallen leaves and clutch a hot drink with your hands encased in your long sweater sleeves. But I think about it like a test I am about to take, I regard it seriously and with trepidation. It’s not that I don’t find it beautiful, but I am not ready, will never be ready, for winter, and I don’t care for the purgatory after summer fades.

I took summer and sun for granted when I lived in California and since I have been here I have doggedly pursued that characteristically Portland-y outlook which celebrates dark skies and rain and doesn’t seem bothered that it’s windy and under 45 degrees most days. I have not found that state of mind. Or rather, I have not found myself in it. It’s not the city’s fault for being born in the crack between two rivers in a valley not far from the ocean where clouds congregate and rumble and are productive, so active, most of the time. I still like it here and wonder how I could consider leaving, these friends, this vegan soft serve, these books. But since I have been here I have become a runner, and I have learned to run outside, in the blazing sun and in the dagger rain. I want to plant and nurture a garden, and to forget the smell of mildew. This summer I have spent more time soaking up the blessed sun than ever before, or at least in recent memory. I fell in love with the desert heat in Palm Springs and the way that searing air penetrated my exhausted and elated body. I ran 95 miles in June, almost all of them outside, for the feeling of the light on my skin and the brown thighs and the freedom of it. I know that being present means to accept things, such as weather, that I can’t change. But that seems easier to do under blue skies than grey.

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August 21, 2014
#tbt to ten days ago in Palm Springs when @danielglendening asked me to marry him and I said yes! 💓❤️💕

#tbt to ten days ago in Palm Springs when @danielglendening asked me to marry him and I said yes! 💓❤️💕

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August 1, 2014

I’m not more attractive as a blonde but I am way less approachable. I’ve had brunette/black hair all of my life and been chatted up aplenty in a variety of social situations, but in the month I’ve been blonde no one has fucked with me. Blondes really do have more fun.

August 1, 2014
writinginbedagain:

lizardking1967:

Turn down para que

YES

writinginbedagain:

lizardking1967:

Turn down para que

YES

July 19, 2014
artofoverwhelm:

Jac Vanek / BUY HERE

So my birthday is in a month and someone should give me this shirt and also pizza

artofoverwhelm:

Jac Vanek / BUY HERE

So my birthday is in a month and someone should give me this shirt and also pizza

(via antelopethunderfuck)

July 18, 2014
My favorite thing today. Thanks @misscarolynjoy for sending this to me and being the keeper of amazing photos.

My favorite thing today. Thanks @misscarolynjoy for sending this to me and being the keeper of amazing photos.

July 8, 2014

Yes, please.

(Source: twinpeakscaptioned, via twinpeakscaptioned)

June 30, 2014
groveatlanticinc:

This is fabulous.
wordpainting:

Bestselling writer Stephen King reading in the middle of a Red Sox baseball game. His team, the Red Sox, were losing, so he made the best of that time. The book he’s reading is Kate Atkinson’s book, When Will There Be Good News?



Reblog everything SK does, ever

groveatlanticinc:

This is fabulous.

wordpainting:

Bestselling writer Stephen King reading in the middle of a Red Sox baseball game. His team, the Red Sox, were losing, so he made the best of that time. The book he’s reading is Kate Atkinson’s book, When Will There Be Good News?

Reblog everything SK does, ever

(via powells)

June 29, 2014

The thing is, my boyfriend has been gone for an entire month in Lithuania. I have only cried on video hangout with him once, although I have totally cried by myself way more than that, usually to commercials or youtube videos. For some reason the work Pandora plays the Jeff Buckley version of ‘Hallelujah’ every single day, and that song never fails to make me weep. In the past four weeks I have run 91.2 miles. I spent three days with three of my oldest and best friends, and found I can still make them laugh and I still love them to the deepest depths of my heart. They saw approximately 1/27th of Portland, since we were primarily motivated to hang out with each other and therefore did not do any sightseeing. I showed them that Portland has food and drinks on every street, I did not show them anything at all west of the Willamette.

I made a couple of new friends, which is very challenging for me, so I am proud of that. Someone dear to me moved from Portland to Philadelphia, where she will continue to be more and more amazing. I cooked dinner almost every night, in spite of the single-person’s temptation of takeout/delivery lurking. I read the latest Stephen King book in like three days.I went to 7:15 a.m. yoga twice a week, every week. I did laundry, and threw a ton of laundry on the floor and just left stuff all over the place and didn’t bother to clean it up. I wrote in a journal, an actual journal, and liked that activity immensely. I drank more than I normally do. Way more than I normally do. Pretty sure that is why I feel like maybe I gained four or five pounds because food has not been tasting really that good but wine has been tasting AWESOME.

I went to the movies. I watched a ton of tv, mostly passively, not caring too much about what was on. Almost every day I have gone to work, run, and google video hung-out with my partner- me at 10 or 11 p.m. and he at 8 or 9 a.m. across the world. I have missed him like no other, and I am so happy to see him tomorrow, I don’t know how I will be able to sleep tonight, or concentrate at work. I realized that although I get sick of myself over time, occasionally, I am able to be alone and enjoy my own company. I shouted out the bedroom window at some revelers who were walking past, likely from one bar to the next, as is the usual story, because they were being super loud and I was trying to go to bed and then I regretted it almost immediately but it felt kind of good. I’ve talked on the phone to my sisters and brother, discussed planning our dad’s 70th birthday party. I also went too long without talking to anyone. I bought a couple of white dresses even though my wardrobe is almost exclusively black, because we are going to Palm Springs in August, and it will be Palm Springs in August. I’ve become suddenly and almost inexplicably enraged by practically nothing, only to calm down and realize that I am just pent up and that nothing too terrible is happening.

This is all to say, just to say, that I feel like I did good. I made it (knock wood) through a month that I was dreading, and I didn’t fuck up too much and I don’t think I made anyone hate me and I didn’t fall down or hurt myself and I didn’t get super depressed and I accomplished a couple of goals which was nice. The kitchen table is covered in unopened mail. I have had the same Netflix DVD unwatched for about 5 weeks. I am still a functional human being and I like that.

June 22, 2014
I’m ready to PAAARTAAAAAYYY #withthebestofthem #tiki #sundayfunday

I’m ready to PAAARTAAAAAYYY #withthebestofthem #tiki #sundayfunday

June 18, 2014
nprmusic:

"It was just very erotic."
The waltz wasn’t just a dance. It was a revolution. 

Totally had a driveway moment with this segment this morning except it was in my parking lot at work.

nprmusic:

"It was just very erotic."

The waltz wasn’t just a dance. It was a revolution

Totally had a driveway moment with this segment this morning except it was in my parking lot at work.

June 15, 2014
what's up

hannaheat:

  1. I didn’t get that job I interviewed for
  2. but another prospect is still on the horizion? it’s really a waiting game on that front
  3. I’m moving in my current job to a better position so there’s that
  4. just made Irish brown bread (from a box) for father’s day
  5. currently v. sniffly and congested but…

Evry single night, evry single day, imma do my thing…

June 12, 2014
#tbt to 2000 or so when my watermelon habit was just getting serious

#tbt to 2000 or so when my watermelon habit was just getting serious

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June 11, 2014
There’s that unintentional bitchface again #looooool #canthelpit #thatsjustwhatmyfacelookslike

There’s that unintentional bitchface again #looooool #canthelpit #thatsjustwhatmyfacelookslike

June 2, 2014
Grapes can u not?

I ate like 14 grapes and now my belly is full of bubbles and I am v uncomfy. What gives? Can I just not eat grapes now?

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